When we are invalidated by having our feelings repudiated, we are attacked at the deepest level possible, since our feelings are the innermost expression of our individual identities. Sometimes it feels as though as a parent life is so overwhelming and there is too much for one person to do.
Telling a person she shouldn't feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard. Whether we like or understand someone's feelings, they are still real. During those times I have to focus on one thing at a time, ask for help if I can, try to do it well, and accept some things just wont happen as ideally as Id like.
Examples of such relationships are parent/child, teacher/child, spiritual leader/follower, boss/employee, husband/wife.
This is especially possible when one person has long-term power or influence over another.
They were taught at an early age that their interpretations of and feelings about the things around them were bad and wrong. So I suppose they think they can tell someone how to feel and, then like magic, that will work, too.
If they tell me "don't worry", then I am more worried, because they are not taking my fear seriously and they may just keep leaving the door unlocked. I bet it is heaps of fun." Then she turned her attention back to the boy's parents. I still find it hard to believe that anyone could miss a child's reaction that completely. This is probably how he was taught to deal with feelings by his father and by the Australian culture. I probably will never forget the dejected way he turned and walked away. I want it to inspire me to keep working for the needs of children and teenagers. If one were to ask that child how much he felt understood, between 0 and 10, at that moment, what might he have said? It is unlikely considering what happened next, but maybe with someone else it could have helped.)I just sat there, stunned. Then I said, "Why don't you want me to think so much?
Besides worrying about my laptop getting stolen, I am now also worried about traveling with someone who invalidates me. They started talking about some of their friends, smiling and laughing. I wondered how the three adults could stand there and laugh while that boy stood there alone, troubled now not only about school but also because no one was interested in his troubles. As long as you are active, you can't feel your emotional pain. " She said, "Because I don't want you to think so much." Then I was quiet for a moment.
All invalidation is a form of psychological attack. Meanwhile all three of them completely ignored the boy. This made her very uncomfortable and she said, "Don't look so serious." I said, "Why not?
We have been conditioned to think that invalidation is "normal." Indeed, it is extremely common, but it is certainly not healthy. I swear I want to just shout out WHAT THE F**K?? "One day in Australia I decided to try hang gliding.
I have also heard them say things like: "He cries at the drop of a hat." One teacher said "When she starts to cry, I just ignore her and eventually she stops." Another said, "When one kid's crying is disrupting the lesson, I tell them to go cry in the hall till they can pull themselves back together again."When I am worried about something and I tell someone who is involved in the situation and they say "Don't worry," I actually feel more worried. I was going to end it there, but Id like to know, when did cutting become so popular? I went up with an instructor, floated and flew above the waves and coastline for about 20 minutes, then landed on the sand. I started thinking maybe there was something wrong and wondered if she had second thoughts about the plans we had made to go travelling together.
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In abusive homes, they may have been severely punished for expressing certain thoughts and feelings. To me that is like telling a fish not to swim so much or an artist not to draw so much. I know there are many ways other people try not to think so much.